kinda wanna dye my hair kinda wanna die in general
"push! PUSH!" the nurse screams in the delivery room. i can’t believe i’m going to lose a push-up contest in front of my newborn son
"this baby came out of you but im not 100% sure its yours"
“is there a problem officer?” “yes actually, lots of problems” *hands u my math homework*
im glad dogs cant read the “no dogs allowed” signs so they dont feel sad & left out
*straight people voice* is he… you know…